I am back

10th post 

Hello everyone!

I know you guys are probably thinking where the hell have I been... Did you guys ever miss me? Well I missed you! For the last year or so I've had so much going on that I have been so consumed and restricted with having any interaction with the world but now finally I am back DLive Perspective is back in service. Let's just say thank God I am still breathing and for all his glory I honour him in my life. My life has been one big rollercoaster but if you're asking what's changed I am still pretty much the same. The last week or so I've got to the stage where I felt so absorbed with sadness, depression and anger that I have felt it taking over me and I really wanted to express it with you guys so I would appreciate you respect that. One thing I can say about myself is I'm a very sensitive person. I love so hard I care way too much and I've allowed it to take control over me. I'm not just saying it in terms of people I'm saying it in terms of every aspect of what I do also. Work, education, family, relationships, enemies and so forth in every way you could ever imagine. The one thing with me is no matter what is going on in my life I always manage to try keep a front and stay strong, not just for myself but for other people. It's got to the stage that listening to everybody and caring for everybody else is more priority than lookin after myself and it kills me that I am this way. I am contaminated with everybody else's issues that nobody notices mine. I am a complete stranger to the world but on the other hand I show love and I add character but why is it that on the outside there is so much colour but on the inside there is so much darkness? The last few months have hounded me to the extent I felt like everybody was drifting away from my life one by one I couldn't even grasp whether it was a good thing or a bad thing it's got to that stage that I am so afraid of ending up lonely for the rest of my life. Why do people say blood is thicker than water? With experience I've never believed that, and I'm not saying I don't love my family and people that have watched me grow up, but what I am saying is I've hurt and I've felt and I never want to again because that feeling is unbearable...it almost feels as if somebody is stabbing you with a knife in the back but you manage to keep walking stiff, in other words it hurts to the extent a person would rather be dead. Being in so called environment with people who claim they made you but still fail to understand me as a human being and what I actually am. I hurt hard but still manage to love because it's impossible not to. With that being said friendships were coming to a close and people were slowly moving forward without me in theirs I was betrayed, used and never listened to. Friends I thought that had my back were really just trying to bring me down. Although all this was happening one day their was spark a little inch of light appeared in my life... I found the most beautiful soul... I never knew God could grace me with such an amazing person. Thinking about him really does give me butterflies I cry tears of happiness writing this because he really does make me proud. If anybody knew me last year you would know that I was shattered lonely and empty inside everything in my life brought me down I lacked lustre and happiness. But after finding my baby I knew God rated me to the fullest hehe. My life partner and yes I say that BOLDLY! He is Caring, intelligent, beautiful, sexy ;) an inspirational strong person. I'm not going to mention his name because he knows who he is but he has added so much colour to my life and now till forever more I will never forget what he's done for me. When somebody told me about the word "love" I thought it was fabricated lies but now that I have witnessed it I know REAL love exists. I love him with all my heart I hope he loves me too. Although I've been in a dark place this week I've allowed the devil to take over me and be a bit of a mean cow towards him and I just want to start by saying I formally apologise on my behalf from me to the world I just want to let my boyfriend know I am sorry for any pain or stress I cause you... I know I'm a hard egg but I can't help it sometimes. The last few months have been crazy he has been through so much to the point it's broken me I've felt lifeless I've cried I've screamed I've panicked I've ran away. The last thing anybody needs is to be brought down and it is not to be tolerated in any circumstance. My little light (my life partner) was going through the most nobody would ever understand and it was too painful for me to watch... sometimes I wanted to jump in a hole and dissapear. From one end to the other the devil was in disguise using enemies and people from our past to haunt us and tear us apart but after much courage and faith in him and God I've learned to always keep my head high. God definitely knew what he was doin when he put us together and he did a amazing job of it. For now till the end of time I promise to always love and cherish my little light and protect him from any evil or harm from others and third parties. I believe that anybody that finds that little light hold on to it and don't let go because in light we grow and we prosper the moral of the DLive Perspective today is "A garden without ounce of light doesn't rise in darkness it is broken and can't function" that is all I have to say today folks much love stay tuned for more of the DLive Perspective

Xxxx