CONQUER LOVE

Good morning readers and my fellow bloggers I know you're all probably wondering how I creeped out the closet. I apologise on my behalf for not keeping up to date but I'm glad I regained my focus. The main topic I decided to focus on is conquering love. Some may not know what I mean to an extent but please bare with me. I think it was about time I stopped holding back and finally reveal it all. It's been a rough few months for me mentally, physically and emotionally and it's time I finally admitted that by disallowing and withdrawing myself from this beautiful green land and mesmerising blue skies a place we humans call earth.... all in was doing was discrediting a part of God's creation. What I learnt today is to conquer and to rise above all things that may be dragging me or whoever is reading this down, the feeling in the heart at every given moment is all in the mind, body and soul for I am in control of every choice lived by me... I went from suffering and falling into deep depression believing I was never good enough I lived a life thinking the main goal was to please everybody, but later realised it just would never be the end result it's either you please some and not all, or attempt to please all and never have time to please yourself. I faced battles with people around me I loved and thought the world of. It started off with my family the caretakers to my life my tent and my right hand my world, when you think 'family' the first thing that comes to my head is guidance, protection, love, security, shelter, annoying, stubborn and just your daily fuel. Theres times where me and my parents crossed paths and we didn't always see eye to eye but despite how they feel about situations or what they may say that I disregard and place as negativity... I know there is always some element of care. Waking up angry with the world started becoming the inevitable and it started to tear me up inside bit by bit. Gradually old friends became distant strangers and new friends became sweet acquaintances. After finalising my breakup with my ex partner recently I came to the conclusion that some things and situations should be buried and left as closed chapters. I allowed a man to get the best of me when I should have burnt that chapter when it went cold. Bless him he tried but I guess 2 completely different people from other sides of the pond couldn't flourish and grow. Ever been so in love that you played both roles? Or ever been broken that you had to deal with your partners problems before yours? Ever been so shallow that what was yours became his? That was all me, I was so in tune with the feeling of love that my feelings were thrown aside his drama became my own and I was neglected as a person. I cry deep in pain typing this that I allowed myself to be hurt instead of standing up to what was right, but I promise I fought all I could I fought till I couldn't fight anymore Slowly yet surely what was beautiful started to break into pieces and turn sour... I can't say I was right in all situations but I do know I gave my everything. I had made sacrifices that jeopardised my security, my health and my feelings people around me feelings all for the one. Bit by bit I was falling and could feel myself running mad. All the trust I had fell out the window and started to decay into suspicion and doubt. Why is it that when I ask for one thing its deemed as too much? But when one willingly pleads to give it all... it's alright. I would witness new women, new stories and mere accusations... I was hated for being in love I was deemed as the piggy in the middle that everybody could easily toy with. Who is to know what is to believe when one is left in darkness, closed off from somebody I thought had loved me left me lost in a foreign world. I could honestly hold my hands up and say I tried all I can I gave all I had I DID WHAT I COULD, heart beat after heart beat the clock was ticking it was time to make a change. Next minute its silent... the next the pigs escorted me off the premises... the next I wake up in intense pain. What had happened? Everything flashed before my eyes before I could see it.  All that had taken place became a very distant memory now its pitch black what was bright turned into burnt coal. I now clench my heart to protect and conceal the little happiness I have now. Family around the world who love me dearly, a home to call my home, a education a saviour blanket and most of all me my music my me time walks in the park and strolls by the river the real Paula was cracking to be reborn again. When it had ended I started to doubt my Lord and ask him what wrongs have I done? But I realised to disregard my wrongs and focus on what I can do right and that is moving on in blessings, no more pettiness no more spite and no more shame. But despite all my praying and opening up to you all... it has lifted all the burden off me. I am holding my hand high and walk towards the light of the Lord and this is the time to make myself proud make me happy for life forever for as long as I live in this earth I will conquer it and I will win. Anyway guys that is all I had to share God bless you if you had the time to read. Much love to my readers one day I hope to meet you all.

Stay tuned for more of the Dlive Perspective xoxox

Patience is a virtue

11th post

Good evening folks just in bed and something just came to mind thought I would share. I just want to ask a question? Why is it that patience is a virtue? By this I mean you wait and wait and wait for something or someone and when you have it not only could it be a blessing but it could also be your downfall. With life and all it's patchy moments, rough times and doubtness to finally reach out and gain that substance you always waited for... It could later scar you for life without you even knowing... And by this I ask again why is patience such a virtue? In order to have fulfilment and value added to life not only can it make you happy but there is always a price. It's almost like having blood diamonds in your hands so beautiful and pure but can lead to civil wars or negative consequences. Patience is one of the hardest things anybody can ever go through because it takes strength, courage, time and abundance. With that being said the higher the value the longer the wait the most likely to be afraid or dissapointed. Patience comes with a lot of thought and feeling which burns me. To have in mind that you have to wait for something so precious, important and most wanted that you don't know the turn out or whether it is durable or maybe if the effect is long term. Patience is a complex drug that runs through the mind body and soul, sometimes drives you crazy but also very pleasing and far fetched. The moral of the DLive Perspective is to always stay vigilant and vision for profitableness and pleasure.

Goodnight everyone 

Paula xo

I am back

10th post 

Hello everyone!

I know you guys are probably thinking where the hell have I been... Did you guys ever miss me? Well I missed you! For the last year or so I've had so much going on that I have been so consumed and restricted with having any interaction with the world but now finally I am back DLive Perspective is back in service. Let's just say thank God I am still breathing and for all his glory I honour him in my life. My life has been one big rollercoaster but if you're asking what's changed I am still pretty much the same. The last week or so I've got to the stage where I felt so absorbed with sadness, depression and anger that I have felt it taking over me and I really wanted to express it with you guys so I would appreciate you respect that. One thing I can say about myself is I'm a very sensitive person. I love so hard I care way too much and I've allowed it to take control over me. I'm not just saying it in terms of people I'm saying it in terms of every aspect of what I do also. Work, education, family, relationships, enemies and so forth in every way you could ever imagine. The one thing with me is no matter what is going on in my life I always manage to try keep a front and stay strong, not just for myself but for other people. It's got to the stage that listening to everybody and caring for everybody else is more priority than lookin after myself and it kills me that I am this way. I am contaminated with everybody else's issues that nobody notices mine. I am a complete stranger to the world but on the other hand I show love and I add character but why is it that on the outside there is so much colour but on the inside there is so much darkness? The last few months have hounded me to the extent I felt like everybody was drifting away from my life one by one I couldn't even grasp whether it was a good thing or a bad thing it's got to that stage that I am so afraid of ending up lonely for the rest of my life. Why do people say blood is thicker than water? With experience I've never believed that, and I'm not saying I don't love my family and people that have watched me grow up, but what I am saying is I've hurt and I've felt and I never want to again because that feeling is unbearable...it almost feels as if somebody is stabbing you with a knife in the back but you manage to keep walking stiff, in other words it hurts to the extent a person would rather be dead. Being in so called environment with people who claim they made you but still fail to understand me as a human being and what I actually am. I hurt hard but still manage to love because it's impossible not to. With that being said friendships were coming to a close and people were slowly moving forward without me in theirs I was betrayed, used and never listened to. Friends I thought that had my back were really just trying to bring me down. Although all this was happening one day their was spark a little inch of light appeared in my life... I found the most beautiful soul... I never knew God could grace me with such an amazing person. Thinking about him really does give me butterflies I cry tears of happiness writing this because he really does make me proud. If anybody knew me last year you would know that I was shattered lonely and empty inside everything in my life brought me down I lacked lustre and happiness. But after finding my baby I knew God rated me to the fullest hehe. My life partner and yes I say that BOLDLY! He is Caring, intelligent, beautiful, sexy ;) an inspirational strong person. I'm not going to mention his name because he knows who he is but he has added so much colour to my life and now till forever more I will never forget what he's done for me. When somebody told me about the word "love" I thought it was fabricated lies but now that I have witnessed it I know REAL love exists. I love him with all my heart I hope he loves me too. Although I've been in a dark place this week I've allowed the devil to take over me and be a bit of a mean cow towards him and I just want to start by saying I formally apologise on my behalf from me to the world I just want to let my boyfriend know I am sorry for any pain or stress I cause you... I know I'm a hard egg but I can't help it sometimes. The last few months have been crazy he has been through so much to the point it's broken me I've felt lifeless I've cried I've screamed I've panicked I've ran away. The last thing anybody needs is to be brought down and it is not to be tolerated in any circumstance. My little light (my life partner) was going through the most nobody would ever understand and it was too painful for me to watch... sometimes I wanted to jump in a hole and dissapear. From one end to the other the devil was in disguise using enemies and people from our past to haunt us and tear us apart but after much courage and faith in him and God I've learned to always keep my head high. God definitely knew what he was doin when he put us together and he did a amazing job of it. For now till the end of time I promise to always love and cherish my little light and protect him from any evil or harm from others and third parties. I believe that anybody that finds that little light hold on to it and don't let go because in light we grow and we prosper the moral of the DLive Perspective today is "A garden without ounce of light doesn't rise in darkness it is broken and can't function" that is all I have to say today folks much love stay tuned for more of the DLive Perspective

Xxxx